Charlottesville Words

One of the first things I noticed about the three finalists in The Hook’s short story contest was their ages: ranging from 50 to 71, all three men are well seasoned. The first place winner, Charles McRaven, is the oldest, and his profile lists an impressive range of life experiences.

“First Stones” is a rare thing, a story that places good old-fashioned manual labor at its center. Theo is a stonemason looking for an assistant, and instead of the trained monkey he would prefer, he settles for a woman, Hannie Blair. Hannie’s love life causes complications that Theo is compelled to straighten out, and his violent encounter with Hannie’s boyfriend serves as the climax of the story.

Theo’s voice is strong:

And dammit, I couldn’t really have left her; I’d gotten so used to her, you know? I liked seeing her in the mornings, looked forward to hearing her voice. Liked the way she pulled her own weight, didn’t complain. Past year, I’d stopped telling people she was my helper. She was the other stonemason, scrap the sexist stereotype. Earned it. She was tough, and a lot sharper than the guys she hung with, for sure.

In a few sentences, McRaven gives us a rich sketch of both Theo and Hannie’s personalities.

My criticism of the story is this: In my opinion, McRaven is letting voice carry too much weight in the story, something that bugs me about a lot of first person narratives. Theo tells us a lot in his bluff, seemingly laconic way, but the author doesn’t give himself the space to step back from his narrator and show us very much. When he does show us the action, it’s well done.

“First Stones” is a story condensed from a couple of chapters of a novel; a longer format will surely give McRaven room to expand into subplots and a more thorough treatment of setting and action.

Filed under: authors, awards, charlottesville, contests, virginia, writing